Each week we have been applying the Enneagram types to characters in the Bible and what we can learn from each of them about us and our relationships. So far we have learned about FIVE: The Investigator or Observer with the Magi, Thomas, and Nicodemus. EIGHT: The Challenger or Leader with John the Baptist and Samson. And last week it was ONE: The Perfectionist with the Apostle Paul.
This week it is TWO: The Helper. There are a lot of helpers in the Bible. But there is one story that is the quintessential story of both of good side and the bad side of a TWO. Whose story is it and what makes them a TWO? God has created many of us to be a TWO. Find out this week and that maybe you are a TWO too.
DYK?
TWOs are, outwardly, very others-focused. Helpers tend to focus on the emotions and needs of the other people in their lives, often to the neglect of their own needs. Helpers are always wanting to make sure others are taken care of and can be hesitant to make their own needs and desires known.
I emphasize the outwardness of their actions because Twos (like many numbers) live in a place of tension between their outward actions and their inward motivations. Twos will help clear the table and wash the dishes at a friend’s house after the dinner party without being asked. But Twos, especially unhealthy Twos, can be resentful that no one else offered to join in. Twos are in that weird space of appearing humble but acting out of a sense of pride. They want to be needed, they want to help, but they can easily become bitter towards those who don’t help them.
DYK?
Or to the other extreme, TWO can make themselves indispensable to someone they love and develop unhealthy codependency. TWOs can be enablers of bad behaviors in those they love because they so desperately need to be needed. If you are a TWO or are in a relationship with someone who is a TWO, these are things to look out for. And to make sure you don’t enable them too.
PJ Point
This is even reflected in the language of Genesis 2:18 when God creates a “helper” for Adam, one who is suitable and compatible for him.
TWOs Mary, the Mother of Jesus, is your doppelganger—willing to serve God at a large cost to herself but to the ultimate glory of God.
PJ Point
The apostle John is another great example of a TWO. John is the only apostle who remains with Jesus at the cross. John’s gospel (as well as his letters) focuses on love. Richard Rohr points out that, although John emphasizes love, his love is exclusive, focusing on the “brothers.” John does not talk about loving enemies in any of his writings. So, you see the good and bad with a TWO. They can give selflessly. But they can also be possessive and exclusive.
PJ Point
Do you know who else in the Bible is described as a Helper? God. Check out these descriptions of God:
Happy are you, O Israel! Who is like you,a people saved by the Lord,the shield of your help,and the sword of your triumph!Your enemies shall come fawning to you,and you shall tread on their backs.
Deuteronomy 33:29
But you do see!You do see troublemaking and grief,and you do something about it!The helpless leave it all to you.You are the orphan’s helper.
Psalms 10:14
The LORD is for me—as my helper.I look in victory on those who hate me.
Psalms 118:7
This is why we can confidently say,“The Lord is my helper, ”“and I won’t be afraid. ”“What can people do to me?”
Hebrews 13:6
DYK?
When they are moving in the direction of growth a TWO will show the healthier characteristics of a FOUR The Individualist. They become more self-nurturing and emotionally aware. They admit and accept painful feelings, including their anger, sadness, and loneliness. And they explore their inner world and are able to express themselves more creatively.
DYK?
But because TWOs struggle inwardly with pride, that is their deadly sin, their helpfulness can often be tainted by ulterior motives, bitterness, and resentfulness. And when they are under stress, TWO with show the unhealthy characteristics of an EIGHT. They become focused around themselves being irritable, aggressive and dominating. They become controlling of everyone and everything. And they have outbursts of anger,aggressive confrontations or threaten to withdraw their support from others.
PJ Point
The classic story of this struggle of a Two is found in Luke 10:38-42. The story of Mary and Martha.
While Jesus and his disciples were traveling, Jesus entered a village where a woman named Martha welcomed him as a guest. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his message. By contrast, Martha was preoccupied with getting everything ready for their meal. So Martha came to him and said, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to prepare the table all by myself? Tell her to help me.” The Lord answered, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things. One thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the better part. It won’t be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38-42
PJ Point
Martha sounds like a classic TWO in this story. She’s playing the welcoming, gracious hostess to Jesus and his disciples. There are things to clean and an entire meal to prepare. Martha is definitely up for the challenge, but she can’t do it all on her own. She needs her sister to help.Unfortunately, Mary is nowhere to be found.
Mary, probably a FOUR the Individualist, the Sensitive, the Romantic is completely bailing on Martha in order to sit with the guys and listen to Jesus teach. A place normally reserved for only students and only men. So, Martha tattles to Jesus and tries to make him tell Mary to help her out. TWOs are in the Heart Triad. Twos, Threes, and Fours are more image-conscious than the other numbers. Next week we will talk more about the different triads for Heart, Head, and Gut.
PJ Point
TWOs want everyone to think that they are humble, selfless and that they’ve got it all together. But the family members of TWOs know the reality of the situation. I would bet you (if I were a betting man) that this wasn’t the first time Martha had had this “discussion” with Mary. TWOs want to feel appreciated, and they want their efforts to be noticed. They just have trouble making their needs known. Bitterness takes root and grows when needs and expectations are not clearly communicated.
PJ Point
TWOs need to learn the lesson that Jesus taught Martha. Only one thing matters – sitting at the feet of Jesus and learning from him. Jesus was a servant! Jesus was a helper! Jesus had a lot of TWO in him. TWOs came “not to be served, but to serve.” But Jesus taught us how to love with no strings attached. In other words, what good is it if you have perfect table decorations but you miss out on the meal?
PJ Point
But that is where the fear of Martha and all other TWOs come out. What is their core fear? The fear of being unloved or unwanted by others for being purely themselves. Type 2’s are driven by their need to be needed. They’re deeply motivated by proving their worthiness to care and provide for their loved ones, often out of fear of losing love.
This fear of being unloved creates desperation and encourages them to overextend themselves. TWOs need to remember that you are completely and utterly loved by God and His love never fails or runs dry. We all need to hear that.
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:37-39
PJ Point
And before we pile on Martha like she did all the wrong things. e need to realize and remember that Serving is a spiritual gift (Romans 12:7). In fact, often there are many many people in the church with the spiritual gift of Helper. We all need Helpers in our lives. Some of my favorite people are Twos when they are healthy.
PJ Point
But Martha was stressed and headed to an EIGHT so she commanded instead of listening. And rushing around being busy and indignant instead of sitting down, resting and being humble. She was unfocused due to many things instead of being focused on one thing.Martha was hindered and worried instead of being free and peaceful. And she trusted in her own abilities instead of trusting in Jesus. And she was concerned with worldly things instead of Godly things.
And the biggest thing is that Martha thought Mary was key to her help when it was Jesus who was the key to her help. Martha welcomed Jesus into her home but Mary welcomed Jesus into her heart.
PJ Point
And that is the interesting thing about all of this because earlier I told you what Mary probably was. A FOUR. And this is the best part. remember where a TWO goes when they are growing? They go to being a FOUR. So the more that Martha grows the more like Mary she becomes.Interesting isn’t it?
PJ Point
TWOs we have much to learn from you and much to love about you. But we also need you to be real with us. We need you to let us help you. We need you to be open and honest about your feelings before you hold them all in and explode like Martha.
PJ Point
And we need to hear God’s invitation for you and us today.I invite you to be free from the belief that you need to help and rescue others to be loved, accepted and held in high regard. You are simply loved regardless of your contribution.
You have loved us and served us. We thank you for using your gifts. Now let us return the favor. Sit down and take a load off. So are you a TWO? Good for you. If not what is your number?
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